One chance to get everything right

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 19:48:27 GMT

This is about a couple of things:

It is an old apartment wall that has seen the embraces and arguments of a dozen tenants and faded under the sunshine of a thousand mornings.- John Crossingham on the Raising the Fawn album that took two years to release.

While "Mark It Zero" was simply something we wanted to do, the new album was that and something entirely more substantial. We owed it to ourselves to make something that could come as close as possible to capturing the connections that evolved over the past two years. Of course The Early was about making good music but in my mind that was never the primary idea or concern. Like a good friend the memorable conversations and events are definitely present. But it's the unspoken and unexplainable pull that underlies friendship, that makes us want to be close; that is what this was all about. I can easily say that the most important thing I took from this experience is the truth that playing music isn't just about putting the right combination of pitches together or writing the catchiest hooks, but it's about making those ideas explode and transcend the act of simply playing. Most of the best music was made in the basement never to be heard again by anyone else. And I suppose that's why I am writing this now. It's impossible to relive these moments, but like any true love I am sure it will always be floating somewhere.

It's funny sitting here now and thinking, "it happened". And it's probably because only in my wildest dreams I thought this could happen and I guess in my wildest dreams I forgot about the fact that it would have to end. But just in the same way it was able to become a reality, to the very end I was so lucky. And that's the best part of this whole thing. It ended just as it began.

Sun, 07 May 2006 15:55:12 GMT

Things could not be going any better. And I am not saying that it's good or bad. It's just how it is.

....

As much as I love to hate to admit this:

is the cutest picture ever.

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 21:19:08 GMT

Truly a work of love:

Litany

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 22:00:57 GMT

Let's act as if things have now returned to being normal.

Let's close our eyes and dream for the footsteps on the ceiling or the train tracks to Chicago.

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 17:47:02 GMT

A couple of pictures from Saturday:

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 05:57:01 GMT

I know exactly why everything went to hell this week, but I can't spit it out.

However, I will say that I can't wait to board that airplane. I can tell you that I will be happy then.

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:02:29 GMT

I can feel the foundation wavering beneath my feet. As my layers of responsibility and care are crumbling away, I can't help but to question whether this is the right time for this kind of collapse. Let's face it: I got into college, my band won, I am going to Italy next month and underneath all of this high school classes are like black ice on the sidewalk. So I am not sure why I am so hesitant to duck out of school after midterms and move on to something new. Is it that I am scared of responsibility falling to the wayside and losing all the structure that has become the norm? Or maybe I am afraid of walking out on friendly acquaintances, a sense of completion and all the things that make senior year in high school okay. Why am I not dancing for joy in some kind of utopian field due to the fact I have the possibility of limitless freedom, something that I could only speculate and dream about a year ago? What is the fucking problem. This is an easy decision, right?

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 06:08:10 GMT

Perfect. Just Perfect.

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 02:51:59 GMT

An excerpt from my paper journal, [impulsively] written on my flight home last summer:

7/27 Flying Over Winnipeg
Music: Mike Doughty- Rockity Roll

A little more than two hours until l get home and I still haven't fully realized how heavy things are going to get from this point forward. The magic period is after first semester...that's when things will be good again.
...
Flying above the clouds there is nothing to be worried about. I only hope that the next few months won't be too hard.
------

I suppose this is it. Above the clouds?

It's not like that. Not exactly.

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 23:38:38 GMT

(from my first night in Seoul)

------------

Today, medication came in the form of a Mike Doughty podcast.

What if podcasts didn't exist?

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 05:51:54 GMT

Alfredo and the Italians singing the Italian National Anthem (Inno Di Mameli). It's ridiculous how wonderful this exhange is turning out to be.

Taking Italian was one of my right decisions.

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 01:28:48 GMT

From Alfredo Roma:

Hi Alex,your italian is very good......I'm very exited to visit your country.You have a very beatifull family.How do u do in your free time?I like to do sport,music,dance(hip hop and break dance),do shopping and the party.bye bye

-----------

The phrase "people are disappointing" has been going round and round through my head all day. It's so catchy.

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 02:21:53 GMT

I spend so much of my time on long journeys just to earn the breathe of fresh air that comes before the next one begins. Beyond the difficult classes at school and the late nights spent finishing projects and writing essays, I am talking about this soccer season, and the countless hours spent practicing the classical guitar and even shorter term endeavors like entertaining strangers who visit my summer home. This is not to say that I don't love soccer, guitar and whatever or that it's not all worth it in the long run (or at some end) or that I don't have great experiences and stories from these things. But IT IS to say that the time I spend with the people I love the most, or the ones who make me feel completely comfortable and the most meaningful, unforced times I spend with the guitar in my hands, and the times spent on a beach looking at salt water clouds, or eating this fresh baked apple pie or whatever... are the times when I am living for right now. And it's so refreshing and natural to live that way. At this point I can't stop keeping commitments and doing the things I do and there's no telling when I can actually stop. I just want to say that I look forward to the days where I am with you and we're in those places that I always think about. I want the longest journey to consist of marked time.

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 04:47:53 GMT

A thirty-percent chance of a better understanding. What am I getting myself into?

I need this. Yes, I really need this on so many levels.

---

Drop a comment with your address if you would like a postcard from Korea. I would love to do it.

Looking Back

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 16:23:44 GMT

Those who teach me to love myself are those who I love the most. The most fulfilling days and nights are the ones where we let our personalities hang out and there is no question this is the way it's supposed to be. The most exciting moments lie in the magical coincidences and transferences of creativity. And my favorite moments are the glass half-filled, van morrison, better than I could have ever imagined, reduced-to-happiness moments. The moments where we are all reduced to happiness.

---

Junior year is over and I could not ask for more right now. That shit was ridiculous.

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 03:58:33 GMT

Just think: June 22nd...July 1st. That's not so far away!

Everything is going to be alright.

Sun, 29 May 2005 17:32:17 GMT

Early-morning thought: I want to live to be 100.

I missed Spring but it only lasted a week anyway.

Thu, 19 May 2005 02:28:30 GMT

It all rolls into one
and nothing comes for free
There's nothing you can hold
for very long
And when you hear that song
come crying like the wind
it seems like all this life
was just a dream
Stella Blue

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 21:22:48 GMT

It would be really great if people who read this livejournal came to see The Early play tomorrow night in the Rudoy's basement (330 North Mountain Avenue). We are playing with some especially awesome people and everyone has been working especially hard to make this show amazing. As long as you're there nothing can go wrong tomorrow night.

Show starts at 8.
-

Happy 100th post, livejournal.

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 16:41:12 GMT

She exists in a different dimension. That is the only explanation.
One chance to get everything right, indeed.

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 21:45:29 GMT

My Grandma Liz's paintings hanging around my house provide me with pristine comfort. Not until the last few months had I given any of these paintings a second thought. I actually had never really ever thought much about my late Grandma Liz, beyond the fact that she passed away when I was six years old. She died in what seems so long ago and in what was such a peaceful manner that, beyond a funeral I don't remember, there was never anything to bring her to the forefront of my mind.

A while ago I really looked at the picture of me in her arms that overlooks my dining room. I guess that's where all this started. She was extremely sick with emphysema when the picture was taken. I have vivid memories of visiting her in her and my Grandpa's village apartment. My Grandma looked so fragile lying in her bed bombarded with all kinds of tubes and devices that were keeping her alive. I remember being afraid to hug her because I did not want to hurt her. She has the warmest smile in the photograph (the same smile can be found in every picture of her). And I, in the form of a five year old, look uncomfortable, but so very comfortable at the same time. I want to be there in her arms but I am afraid that I will do something to hurt her. It's her smile that really gets me though. When I talk to my Grandpa about the past or when he's telling me a story with Liz involved, it always lifts me up when he can just laugh, smile or simply be himself while reminiscing on something about her. It's not that I expect anything else, it's that he was/is so happy to think about her and I get a small taste of how wonderful she must have been through him.

Her paintings that hang around my house are what I still have of her. I will never know how much she could have taught me or how exactly much we would have loved each other. But I do know that she would have loved me, or maybe still does. And that's enough to comfort me right now.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 22:07:01 GMT

My iPod and cell phone were stolen from my gym locker today. It's my fault for putting my backpack in an unlocked locker, but this was literally the first time in the entire school year I didn't lock up my stuff. Whatever, sometimes bad things happen. It's too bad this all happened after two hours of floor hockey.

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 04:39:37 GMT

There is something so comforting about the same Dave Chappelle comedy routine being just as funny to me now as it was to me when I was in sixth grade. Maybe it is that I am reminded that I still have that ridiculous sense of humor that has been so wonderful all my life. Or maybe it's simply that I can still laugh on the loneliest of days.

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 18:38:04 GMT

When I wake up in the morning it feels like I have been holding my breathe all night.
Dreams shouldn't consistently be so real and intense.
For the past week I wake up in the middle of the night just to get my bearings for round two.
I miss the reliable sleep I had grown so accustomed to.

I hate the feelings associated with wanting something. Sometimes desire just feels like loss.

I simplify things too much.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 20:08:02 GMT

I am having so much trouble living the good life.

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